Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
