My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
