so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
