Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
