This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
