and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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