I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
