Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
