Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
