the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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