Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
third nipple confirmed
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize