God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
