Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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