thus making me awesome and them whores
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
