Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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