I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize