You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
