I think my fart just growled at me.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
