after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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