I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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