cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
