You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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