I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
