i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
