Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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