Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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