Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
