you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
