I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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