i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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