Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
