I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
