I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize