I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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