he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize