In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So apparently I’m into choking now
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
