on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize