my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
