Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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