its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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