Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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