You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sorry about my life...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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