Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
