Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
