I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We had sex on a dog bed..
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
