Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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