I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
