Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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