The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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