oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
