it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm passing your future prison.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
