I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
