My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Are we still banned from the library?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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