its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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