just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
