where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
