I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
