I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
