he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
