did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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