So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
