Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Couch. On fire.
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