I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
