why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
