we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
