So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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