I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
