i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
