so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
ok first of all what the fuck
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
