I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
