I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
