My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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