talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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